please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
