the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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