when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's rum buckets o'clock
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
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