I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
