i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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