this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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