I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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