Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
