Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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