You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
