So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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