ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
NoShamevember. You game?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
