Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
