i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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