my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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