Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
