I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
don't judge my taste in strippers
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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