Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
