You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
