She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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