yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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