i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
