On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
