he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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