My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
