somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
