I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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