He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
