Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
