i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
