ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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