Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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