Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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