it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
