Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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