Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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