Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
