could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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