They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
