theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
