Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
