If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
