My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
