so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
