Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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