The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The uberlube is also flammable
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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