dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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