piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
