So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
