This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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