The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
