the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
