Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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