Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
