He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
