I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
