she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
