did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
