it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
