Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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