I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
