mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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