I hate all girls vehemently.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
