i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
