Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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