One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
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