check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
