So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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